Have you ever wondered why so many of us get caught in the cycle of the healing trap? It’s the constant rat race of seeking change → healing → becoming our ideal selves. It can be all-consuming and exhausting to continue in this pattern. The reason so many of us get caught in this cycle is that we don’t see the change we desire. We don’t feel, think, act, or embody who we want to be yet. So, we keep searching within, trying to figure out why we haven’t changed yet—until we either give up, hit rock bottom, or fall into depression.
I’ve personally experienced this twice on my journey, both times leading to depression, frustration, and deep self-judgment.
"Healing is not meant to be a lifelong project; it is meant to be a steppingstone to experiencing life".
When we first awaken—becoming aware of our shadows, beliefs, and patterns—the journey is exciting! We’re eager to learn about ourselves, find our purpose, and heal ancestral patterns that have impacted our families. We dream of the possibilities that come with healing our pain and suffering, believing it will help us step into the best version of ourselves and unlock all the abundance life has to offer.
During this period, many of us dive into learning what excites us. We begin connecting with our intuition, forming a deeper relationship with the divine, and opening our minds to new possibilities. The world feels expansive, full of potential, and filled with hope - it is such an exciting and expansive time!
Like an onion, we start to peel back the layers, becoming aware of why things trigger us, patterns in our relationships and why we feel and act certain ways around people and situations. This is such an eye-opening time into learning what our beliefs are, understanding the conscious and unconscious mind, learning about our shadow selves, our inner child and how trauma has affected us.
This is where all of the deep inner work happens, we may see healers, mentor's, counsellors or psychologists to assist us in our journey. We may even do this alone, healing in our own time, our own space and trusting in the process. Even though the inner work is difficult - it is such a profound time of change. We begin to feel more aligned, reconnect with our childhood joy, and gain deeper clarity about ourselves and our lives!
With this added awareness and clarity of ourselves, it's now easier to spot more hidden wounds, trauma's triggers and beliefs that do not serve us. Many of us will start to consume many self-help books and seek external sources to assist us in uncovering more and more layers.
This is the point in which we can start becoming trapped within our healing, is when we start to become fixated on it, thinking we need to keep peeling back the layers in order to feel at peace and whole. Healing is not meant to be a lifelong project; it is meant to be a steppingstone to experiencing life.
For myself, I became so fixated on finding hidden wounds within myself. It was easy to keep finding things ‘wrong with me’, every turn I took - I kept finding more and more things that I could be better at. It was exhausting, I was completely disconnected from my heart and trapped inside my mind. Within this time, I sought external help from other healers and coaches to assist me - I was getting so frustrated and wondering why I didn’t feel good yet. I just wanted to feel good.
Living from this place of constant healing comes from fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of things not going as expected. Fear of not getting what we desire. The irony is that the more we try to fix ourselves, the more we reinforce the belief that something is wrong with us.
Endlessly seeking healing can also become a mask—one that hides our authentic selves. This was super unconscious for me and only just a recent realisation over the last few months. With constant healing, I was striving for a version of me that wasn’t authentic to me. The more healing I did, the more disconnected I felt from myself.
We start believing we must heal more before we can be enough, before we can be worthy of love, success, and happiness. But healing should liberate us, not keep us stuck in a cycle of self-improvement.
This cycle feels safe. It gives us a sense of purpose and a reason why things haven’t worked out yet. But over time, it becomes draining. It can feel isolating, overwhelming, and even depressive
One thing that I’ve learnt within my journey, is once we’ve healed our past wounds (and I mean the trauma that genuinely holds us back in life) we are guided to surrender—to accept our shadows, lead with kindness, and trust that life will unfold as it’s meant to. We aren’t meant to control and manipulate our lives out of fear, we truly are meant to surrender. When I first was guided to surrender and let go, I felt bored and trapped within my mind. I began to realise how disconnected I had become from my authentic self, my heart and soul. After this moment, everything began to just fall into place.
A river doesn’t fight the rocks in its path; it simply flows around them. The same goes for us—we are here to embrace life, not resist it.
The more we stay trapped in our minds, the more we disconnect from our hearts. We judge ourselves harshly instead of embracing what is. No one is perfect or fully healed—nor will anyone ever be. Inner peace comes from accepting our shadow selves, not erasing them. When living from our minds, and not our hearts, we become disconnected from our intuition and our inner power. Looking externally for the answers, giving our power away and ignoring our inner divine guidance system.
When healing becomes an identity, we unconsciously attach our self-worth to the process. But true transformation happens when we integrate healing into our lives, rather than constantly searching for the next thing to fix.
Integrating my healing, connecting back to my authentic self, stepping back into life with a newfound sense of love, inner power and confidence has set my heart and soul on fire. This topic is something I feel so deeply to talk about, to assist anyone else to become aware and break free of the patterns.
If any of this has resonated with you and your journey, here are some ways to break free from this cycle:
Ask yourself: Are you healing to fix yourself, or are you healing to live a more fulfilling life?
Embody your healing—don’t just intellectualise it. Bring what you’ve learned into your daily actions.
Let go of perfectionism. The belief that you’ll be free from triggers, doubts, and pain once you’re “fully healed” is an illusion. True healing is about learning to navigate life differently, not avoiding challenges altogether.
Surrendering isn’t about doing nothing—it’s about trusting and taking action from a place of alignment, not fear.
Recognise if healing has become your identity. If you’ve attached your sense of self to healing, it may be time to step out of your comfort zone and start living.
Understand that healing is about integration. It’s not about constantly uncovering new wounds—it’s about applying past lessons to your everyday life. Step away from the mind and connect back into your heart.
Connect back into your Inner Power - tuning back into your intuition and trusting your own inner divine guiding system.
The journey of healing isn’t about endlessly searching for what’s “wrong” with you—it’s about remembering who you are at your core. It’s about trusting yourself, listening to your inner wisdom, and allowing life to unfold naturally. When you reconnect with your intuition, you no longer feel lost in the cycle of seeking. You’ll know when it’s time to heal, when it’s time to rest, and when it’s time to step into your power and live.
As this topic has deeply impacted my life, I feel so deeply to help others break free from this cycle. Once we reclaim our inner power, embody our healing, and trust ourselves again, we naturally come home to who we truly are, and I wish to help any beautiful soul out there needing that assistance.
Within my work, I assist you to embody healing on a mental, emotional, physical and energetic level. Within this work I assist you to reconnect with your intuition, your inner guidance system and your inner power.
If you’re ready, you can explore my 1:1 mentoring sessions below.
If this message resonated, I hope that it has given you a new awareness on healing...
Karli.
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